Monday, November 12, 2012

Broadwell Book May Contain Clever Secrets Regarding Petraeus Affair

Subtle Mention Of How Paula Broadwell "Fucked The Generals Brains Out," Went Largely Unnoticed 

Washington D.C. (CHN) - It's a scandal that Hollywood couldn't have dreamed of: sex, lies, and a tell all book that just may have held a few secrets of its own.  But just as America had tallied her election count and re-elected Barack Obama, another shoe fell in the Benghazi investigation.  This one, might just bring down some of the most powerful and trusted members of the CIA along with high level editors at The Penguin Group. 

The Original Working Title "Completely Inside Of My Vagina, And I mean All of It" Was Curiously Passed Over In The Final Edit

Broadwell's book, published earlier this year, took a candid look at General David Petraeus as he boldly applied techniques learned in Iraq to propel a similar surge in Afghanistan. 

Vernon Loeb, who edited much of the book, admits that he simply missed some obvious contextual evidence that something unprofessional may have occurred between Broadwell and the General.  Loeb points to the second page which he now believes "is a very subtle reference" to the affair.

"I met the general in his barracks and immediately noticed a rather becoming bulge in his camo pants.  I let my thong underwear fall to the dirt floor, almost as if God himself had stripped them from my well toned behind.  Afghanistan is a dry arid place, but nothing would stay dry in the Generals tent that night. We began by eating oysters by candlelight all the while discussing the IED burial techniques of rouge Pakistanis who had..."
Loeb says that he initially had felt that the passage was simply a hook for readers; however upon further digging, he noticed that 'Chapter 4: The Sexual Fucking Between me (Paula) and The General (David) Part I' may have been a red flag:
"Pet David, as I now knew him, surprised me in the women's latrine this morning.  He said that I needed to undergo a 'full inspection'.  First it was demanded that I drop and give him twenty.  Twenty then became forty and soon the two of us were counting every thrust from his 4 star cock into my supple but well muscled vagina as I burned through 300 fingertip pushups with help on every single fucking one of them..."
Other editors at The Penguin Group admitted that they just didn't read a word of it because of various assumptions that the book 'would suck' and was likely filled with 'military bullshit'.

Benghazi, Libya (above) during a 7 hour firefight on Sept. 11, 2012
With Petraeus now resigned from duty, Broadwell's book appears to be getting more and more attention from the mainstream media.  But conspiracy theorists are pointing towards another overlooked excerpt from the book, a passage that Broadwell's father has said is 'much to do about nothing'.  It reads:
The conference call came in from Mr. Obama and Mrs. Clinton around 7PM Local Time.  Dave and I were in hour three of 'little Mrs. Fuel Transport'  and he told me to just keep my trailer moving.  Mrs. Clinton, or 'Boner Killer' as Dave called her, said something about an upcoming plan to kill some of our folks over in Benghazi as a way to derail Mitt Romney's campaign.  I don't know that either of us cared what that bitch was talking about; we certainly never stopped 'delivering precious supplies to the boys below'.  We were fucking; fucking our way to victory.  Inch by inch the insurgency was taking its toll on the dark unguarded cave that was literally my vagina.  Make no mistake, David Patraeus and I were literally having sex and we had it every day for 6 months."

Friday, October 26, 2012

Local School Board Breaks Ground, Builds School In One Day

Construction Workers Stood By In Awe As Office Bureaucrats Pulled Off Full Completion In 10 Hours

The 10 Member Team Is Presumably The First Group To Ever Build A School With Gold Shovels

Rochester, NH (CHN) - What was slated to be a simple groundbreaking quickly turned into the completion of a 184,000 square foot elementary school this past Friday. The project followed years of harsh criticism from both parents and teachers that the school board was 'out of touch' and 'not getting resources to the classroom'. 

The construction of the school was slated to take 8 months with a budget of 56 million dollars.  The original plans called for 11 classrooms, cafeteria, offices, and ball fields. Inspectors have now realized that the school board was able to add a gymnasium to the site just by re-using basic construction scraps and items from the County bone-yard. 

The board tried to finish by lunchtime since it was Friday
"We hadn't really talked about it ahead of time," says 4th year board member and retired administrator Cheryl Rice. Looking back Cheryl believes that "once we got started with that first shovel full of dirt we all just looked at each and took that second shovel full.  

Then we took a look at the plan sheets and realized that we were shoveling in the wrong spot... so, we just started following the plan I guess".

"Getting the material to the site was a real burden," added longtime board member Doug Rogers who lost his left arm during a construction accident in hour 4. He admits, "We had our challenges, I never knew that steel reinforced concrete weighed so much for one thing".

On a sad note, Superintendent Ray Bradburn was unable to get the red tape for the ribbon cutting which will postpone the first day of school for several months.  Bradburn did take the time to explain to parents that there is a ribbon factory shutdown in China. 


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Sec'y State Clinton Takes Full Responsibility For Killing Chris Stevens With Her Bare Hands

Says She Killed The Ambassador and 3 Others Just For The 'Sure Thrill' 

Lima, Peru (CHN) - U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said she takes 'full responsibility' for security at the American diplomatic outpost in Benghazi, Libya, where Ambassador Christopher Stevens and three other Americans died in what was believed to be a terrorist attack last month.

"I take the responsibility," Mrs. Clinton said while answering questions during a stop in Lima. "I'm the Secretary of State with 60,000-plus employees around the world. 

This is like a big family…It's painful, absolutely painful that I would ever attack and kill any of them in cold blood like I did in Benghazi".

On Monday, she told television interviewers that while she has no remorse whatsoever, she does indeed accept 'full blame'. She added that security at America's diplomatic missions overseas, as well as restraining her own desire to commit murder at or near them, is her job alone; not that of the White House. 

Her comments come as Republicans, including presidential candidate Mitt Romney, criticize the Obama administration for its handling of the security prior to the attack and its explanations afterward.

She spoke in advance of the second presidential debate, which will occur Tuesday night. Both security arrangements in Benghazi and the administration's differing explanations of whether the attack was the result of mob violence caused by an anti-Muslim video or a calculated terrorist strike were the subject of disagreement in last week's debate between Vice President Joe Biden and Rep. Paul Ryan, the GOP vice presidential nominee.

The Secretary has now put both claims to rest as she says that the video had no bearing on her decision to attack and murder the four Americans.  "It's good to set the facts straight, especially now that I have all of the intelligence of exactly how I pulled this off," said Clinton.  "I have to assure the American people that the President and Mr. Biden had absolutely no idea that I was capable of such a well-calculated, albeit vicious, terrorist attack on four truly heroic Americans." 

She continued, "Watching them plead for their lives, I realized exactly how dedicated these men were to the cause that all of us hold so dear". 

Clinton said that she was unscathed in her daring attack on the U.S. Embassy
Administration officials are hopeful that Clinton's admission will relieve pressure from the President who could not possibly have known that the 64 year old Secretary of State was capable of the brazen heavy artillery attackThe State Department acknowleged the sophistication of an operation that perfectly mimicked a well planned 350 man al-Qaeda maneuver; exactly the type that Stevens had requested additional security to thwart in the days before his death on September 11th.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Manning Still Struggling With The Pressure Of Being Denver's First Openly Gay QB

Broncos Players Finally Getting A Taste Of The Real Manning

(CHN_Sports) - At 2-3, Denver has not looked quite like the elite squad John Elway envisioned when he signed the future gay Hall of Famer this past off-season. There have been issues with the running game, as well as along the defensive line and in the secondary.  However, the Broncos do play in one of the weakest divisions in football, the AFC West, and they have a favorable schedule moving forward.  

Manning Tenderly Lines Under Center On Sunday
Consider for a second the teams that have beaten Denver thus far. The Atlanta Falcons, Houston Texans and New England Patriots have a combined record of 13-2 and they all have heterosexual quarterbacks with the exception of closeted gay Tom Brady.  

"I know it is 2012, but there is still a big difference between being privately gay on your own time versus the full fledged in your face queer like Manning has chosen to do," explained Elway.

"Manning is a gay trendsetter and he is pushing the limits of what it means to be gay in the workplace," says full back Chris Gronkowski.  Gronkowski added, "I see the way the defense looks at him, and although a lot of guys really want to punish him for being so gay, I mean, the fact of the matter is that a lot of linebackers just don't want to get gay juice on them".

Denver did not exactly emerge unscathed from the grueling first third of the season, but at 2-3, the Broncos have now had time to become a cohesive unit behind the veteran queer quarterback and most analysts believe that the Broncos should contend for the playoffs.  

It may have been ludicrous to expect Peyton Manning to dominate from Week 1 this season. Even the greatest straight quarterbacks need time to adjust to new offensive schemes and the weapons around him.  Manning has taken on those challenges all the while giving extra attention to detail needed to limp-wrist every throw and call play counts entirely in a tenor pitch.

Coach John Fox sees it differently, "Peyton spent the better part of two decades unsuccessfully trying to mimic what a straight quarterback would act like.  Now he just has to let it all hang out, just be himself and unlearn all of those completely unsuccessful 'tough guy' mannerisms... Come on, who was he foolin".  

Manning has thrown upwards of 300 yards in each of the Broncos' last three games and tossed eight touchdowns in that time frame. By that measure, the former Colt might be off to a successful gay tenure in Denver.

"We are just going to continue to be strong," implied wife Ashley Manning.  "It's been a roller-coaster to be sure.  I think that the moment Peyton explained once and for all exactly how that neck injury occurred and the fact that he kept re-injuring it, lets face it, it was time to be real".

The Broncos are looking ahead to a favorable upcoming schedule with the Cleveland Browns, Oakland Raiders and Kansas City Chiefs (x2).  Manning may be 36 years old and nearing the end of his illustrious homosexual career, but the coaching staff believes that there is more than enough gas left in the ole faggot tank to lead Denver to the postseason.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Netanyahu Bomb Drawing Explodes In Theory; Hypothetically Killing 84

Updated at 6:02 p.m. ET  (CHN) UNITED NATIONS - Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu warned Thursday that Iran will have enough enriched uranium to make a nuclear bomb by next summer and urged the world to draw a clear "red line".  The Prime Minister's call to action was greeted with an uneasy silence as key diplomats from around the world watched in horror as Netanyahu's shaky hand lost grip on the red magic marker which instantly detonated the one dimensional 'TNT' type cartoon bomb.

Moments earlier, saying it was getting "late, very late" to stop Iran; Netanyahu had removed the 'TNT' laden device from a large "ACME' labelled box with the intention of outlining the progress Iran has made toward creating a Warner Brothers 1985 era Wile E. Coyote bomb. 

The Israeli prime minister had opened comments by stating that "Red lines don't lead to war, red lines prevent war ... nothing could imperil the world more than a nuclear-armed Iran."

Survivors of the blast are said to have completely blackened skin and are only distinguishable from the dead by their blinking white eyes instead of 'simple X's'.


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Millions Protest Video Depicting Criticism Of NFL Replacement Refs

Roger Goodell Refusing Comment As Middle East Tensions Continue To Rise In MNF Aftermath

Cairo, Egypt (CHN) -  Huge waves of protests filled Egyptian streets Tuesday, just hours after an American video laced with inflammatory remarks reached the internet.  Egypt, a country with a long standing history of supporting replacement NFL referees, had been enjoying their first 'all replacement ref' NFL season through week 3.  However, the fevered pitch of criticism against the temporary NFL officials has culminated in an all out war from American fans and media who are demanding that an end to the debauchery of the NFL Rulebook. 

Armed Militants, Mostly Dressed In Chicago Blackhawk Colors Rallied in Cairo, Egypt Tuesday

Many in the Middle East, with Israel as the exception, have been steadfast in their support of the replacement officials as the NFL lockout continues over pension and other tenure related battles between the owners and the union.

"The Packers DB's should have batted the ball away; what coach has ever taught these shorter DB's to try and out-catch a receiver with no time left on the clock; its absurd," chanted thousands in unison.


Apple Execs: No Knowledge Of How Steve Jobs Uploaded His Soul Into iOS 6

Apple Founder Reportedly Mutated Into iCloud Shortly Before Death

Above, Steve Jobs shown in a creepy 2009 file photo
Palo Alto, CA (CHN) - According to the Santa Clara County Coroner's report Steve Jobs died on October 11th, 2011 from complications related to pancreatic cancer.  According to thousands of reports from the newly downloaded iOS 6 software users, Steve Jobs has manipulated the ascension of the human soul trajectory from Heaven (as we know it) to the Apple iCloud computing and storage system where he successfully transcended the former limits of human life function.  

Gizmodo's Harry Sawyers says that he "always believed it was a strange coincidence that the iCloud was introduced shortly after Job's passing".  Sawyers was compelled to admit, "I never could have guessed at the now presumed circumstances whereas Jobs faked his own death a few hours before his real death; doing so in order to have precisely enough time to digitally synchronize and upload his eternal soul to a cloud based omni-transponding worldwide network before his human based life ended."  

Jobs So-Called Final Resting Place Was Later Found To Be 
A Complicated Grid Of Brain Synthesizing And Upload Equipment

But not all Apple users are excited with the news that Jobs has begun showing up through different iOS medians in extremely integrated and personal ways.  University of Rutgers co-ed Sarah Vandalay reported one of many unusual connections with the previously deceased Jobs,  "So there I was having Facetime sex with my boyfriend and Steve Jobs face kept appearing over his face; I was freaked out man".  She adds, "It was nearly impossible to finish because he kept saying something about the 'NeXT Computer may have died but I never will'... it was creepy, super creepy". 

Apple developers have been privately struggling for months with unusual comments made by Siri; especially in regard to Apple Co-founder Steve Wozniak's back hair.  

"It's been frustrating", admitted 3rd year Apple software development manager Telfor Albaz.  "But it all makes sense now", says Albaz who shuffled several times in his seat before relenting that, "We really never figured out how we were going to replace the Google Maps Ap with our own 'vector based graphic system'. But we kept getting internal emails from people who didn't seem to work here that basically said 'Just fuck Google, fuck those copycat assholes and just delete their map system off people phones". 

As answers slowly come in as to how Mr. Jobs pulled off his human to digital transition, more questions have emerged as to just what Jobs has already done and what he might do.  An anonymous State Department official told CHN that "there are some things we can do to slow Jobs takeover of the earth and eventually the universe.  However, we have to be careful and very mindful that everything we say and do is heard and controlled by Mr. Jobs.  In fact, my voice on this phone call could be Steve using a simple voice synthesis driver that came free on the original iMac.  I'll just say this, The so-called 'Arab Spring'... that was Jobs.  


Sunday, September 16, 2012

Pippa Middleton Begs Press Not To Photograph Her During Naked Press Conference

Individually Begs 100's Of Newspapers Not To Publish Anything From The CD-Rom They've Been Given

Slut Pippa Middleton In A  2011 File Photo

London (CHN) - Pippa Middleton, the girl with the ass that bent over a lot at the Royal Wedding of Kate and William, is back in the news tonight following vague reports of her grandiose attempts to also avoid nude publication in several European newspapers.  

Princess Kate Middleton, who has a cute face, will reportedly have 100's of topless photos available for all to see on public newsstands later this week.  

The scandal, which has rocked the Royal Family, has riled the Queen to no end according to insiders at Buckingham Palace.  

Pippa addressed a handful of reporters Sunday, pleading with them not to photograph or provide any type of artist's rendering of her fully naked body; especially not in a 'downward dog yoga pose'.  

She also urged the press to reconsider publishing any images of her beloved Kate, saying only "Can you imagine the pain and embarrassment of having men across the world look at your exposed body with pure lust".  

Pippa closed the briefing by disclosing that she would also be very upset to see pictures of her naked body doctored so that her face looked way cuter.


Kim Kardashian Furious That God Green-Lighted 'Look Like Your Soul Day'

"This is fucking bullshit", said Kardashian from an undisclosed location

Friday, August 24, 2012

Norway Killer Sentencing Will Be 'Kind of Tough'

Pain In The Butt Punishment To Cramp Style Of Man Who Murdered 77 Innocent People

Oslo, Norway (CHN) - Anders Behring Breivik was sentenced to 21 years in prison Friday morning in an Oslo courtroom for his twin terror attacks in Norway last year and will likely not have access to Pay Per Movies or The Food Network while in prison.

Mr. Breivik, dressed in a dark suit and charcoal-colored necktie, smirked as the verdict was read against him in a packed courtroom.   Breivik will be forced to serve nearly 3 1/2 months for each innocent boy, girl, and adult supervisor that he shot, stabbed, and exploded to death during Norway's most heinous single crime ever committed.

The judge adding that "his vicious blood thirsty attack upon defenseless children shall result in very limited conjugal visits with state financed prostitutes or the very best sex manikins that money can buy".

Before the judge read the sentence, Mr. Breivik launched his trademark right wing salute, thrusting his right arm in the air while making a fist. It is unclear if the convicted mass murderer realized that he will not be able to kill the friends and families of his victims for at least 10 years or so depending on final release adjustments for good behavior. 

Those knowledgeable about Norway's correction system believe that Breivik will probably be super uncomfortable for a few weeks because the bedding and pillows in the Oslo's maximum detention facility are all brand new and haven't been properly broken in yet. Sources indicate that all prisoners can absolutely forget about the opportunity of listening to ABBA unless they listen to the music being playing by correctional officers which can be up to 30 meters away from the prisoners exercise area.  

The mass-murderer is scheduled to spend his first few months in the prison's rehabilitation center where he will try to strengthen and increase flexibility in his left elbow which has been 'tight with slight inflammation' ever since he used a knife to repeatedly stab and eviscerate a group of wounded victims that had attempted to swim off the island into the frigid Norwegian Sea.  


Sunday, August 12, 2012

Southern California Biologists To Tranquilize Redheaded Human

Scientists Hope That Its Not Too Late To Save Struggling Female

Malibu, CA (CHN) - A Marine Biologist team from Monterey, CA will join a 12 member group from the LA Zoo to attempt a rather ambitious plan to subdue and study a struggling Southern California bi-ped.  If all goes well the large female will get a full medical check up and a GPS tracking device that Scientists say will warn local restaurant goers and motorists of the beasts location.   

'Multiple Shots From The Tranq Gun May Be Required' According To Biologists

"We rarely see such specimens outside of Mississippi and Alabama mostly because of the high taxes on cigarettes and lack of open space.  She may have been following a catering truck and just got out of her normal territory before becoming confused and totally un-sexy looking," said wildlife expert Ross Martinez.

"The last thing we want to do is put her down", admitted Martinez; "but we have to take into consideration how terrible this creature looks since the movie 'Mean Girls'. 


Thursday, August 2, 2012

Toyota Recalls 7.4m Cars Due To 'Smells Like Ass'

Summer Temperatures May Have Caused Shit Stench To Worsen

Toyota announced this morning it would recall about 2.5 million cars and trucks in the United States and 7.4 million vehicles worldwide to fix a persistent smell of human excrement. There are no reports of major injuries from the problem, but it comes after Toyota told U.S. officials earlier this year that the problem wasn't that serious and didn't require a recall. 

The recall -- the largest by any automaker since 1996 -- involves inspecting and if necessary replacing any carpeting or leather covered with brown stains, presumably from butt juice created during the manufacturing process. 

The move reverses a stance Toyota took earlier this year, when the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration opened an investigation in February after a flurry of complaints.  At that time a public release by Toyota simply read 'He who smelt it... dealt it'.

The NHTSA upgraded its investigation in June, a step that often leads to a recall.
Toyota chief executive Akio Matsaka confirms that a combination of ball sweat and sphincter juice by one employee at their Durham, NC assembly plant was most likely the cause.  Darrel Rayburn, well known for his moist viscous farting has been identified by all members of the plant as the likely culprit.  Various reports of sticky switches and super nasty ass smell are believed to have combined to cause nausea and loss of fine motor skills during overheating.

Owners will start receiving notices to have their cars smelled at dealerships later this month; the procedure should take about an hour and will include a wet wipe and 3 'Pine Tree' type air fresheners. The models covered by the recall include a range of vehicles from the 2007 Yaris to the 2009 Highlander Hybrid.  CHN.2012

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Big Titted Salma Hayek Joins Milk Campaign To Win Over Customers Who Love Big Tits

Actress Represents A Developing Strategy For The Dairy Industry

Wisconsin (CHN) - MilkPEP's "Got milk?" campaign has had great success over the years telling moms that milk is nutritious and should be an essential part of their children's diet. 

Marketing Firm Deutsch felt it was time to expand beyond a demographic focus to an occasion-based approach, based around the natural times of day to think about both big tits and milk— beginning with the first meal of the day. 

"Breakfast is the most significant and ritualized occasion for consuming milk and performing the first masturbation of the day," said Greg DiNoto, chief creative officer at Deutsch. "It became a natural platform for this huge fake tit effort." 

And while the work is meant to transcend demographics regarding varying size breasts, it does have a notable big fake tits angle—it stars the Mexican- American huge breasted actress Salma Hayek and is running in English and Spanish on TV, in print and online for big tit lovers across the spectrum.    

Hayek's agent says that the veteran big tit actress represents a great opportunity for advertisers to reach their core marketing targets.  Hayek also appears in recent Burger King adds which aim to capitalize on a rising demographic of Americans who eat fast food and also fantasize about having sex with or touching the giant fake tits of well known actresses.

2012. CHN

Romney Picks Wrong Rubio For VP Candidate

Ricky Rubio of Minnesota Has Been Selected As Mitt Romney's VP Candidate

Minnesota (CHN) - A dejected Marco Rubio of Florida took a difficult phone call this morning after finding out that GOP presumptive Presidential candidate Mitt Romney had selected a different Rubio to join his campaign. 

A Romney spokesman admitted that the selection was a terrible error not only because Ricky Rubio of the Minnesota Timberwolves has no political experience but also because the young point guard also has a torn ACL which has made him questionable for the start of next season. 

Longtime strategist Karl Rove had a different view, "...if Ricky Rubio can swing Minnesota, we can afford to focus on other key western swing states and possibly still make up the loss of Florida".

The Obama campaign was left flat-footed and has still not commented publicly on the selection of the Spanish born 21 year old rookie point guard who is not eligible for any federal office.  


Monday, April 16, 2012

Romney: Chihuahua Puppy's Also Suffering Huge Job Losses Under Obama

GOP Presumptive Nominee Continues To Exploit So Called 'War On Puppies'

Tampa, FL (CHN) - Mitt Romney is wasting little time advancing his general election bid in the wake of Rick Santorum's campaign suspension. Puppies, a key demographic in several swing states, are getting their fair share of attention this week after Romney advanced a statistic from the labor department showing that 92.3% of all non-farm payroll losses under Obama have been suffered by women.  A closer look seems to confirm those facts, and has also uncovered a more troubling statistic about the cutest breeds of dogs.

"La Fonda (above), is now 46 weeks into unemployment following deep cuts in the stamp licking industry
What Romney and his constituents previously failed to admit was that the bulk of the remaining job losses were laid squarely at the paws of adorable puppies; most notably Chihuahua's.  Obama campaign officials say that the figures are misleading and out of context.  However, top fact checker 'Politi-fact' has determined that the statistic itself is accurate.

"Even in states populated by mostly older and larger dogs, this stat is going to hurt the President's re-election campaign," admitted analyst Donna Brasil. 

CHN. Strategic.Trusted. No Swashbuckling.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Manning Promises Colts Fans He Will Play Like Crap For Whatever Team Hires Him

Future Hall Of Famer Thanks Fans; Promises Allegiance
Indianapolis (CHN Sports) - Fourteen time Pro-Bowl quarterback and favorite son of Colts fans everywhere has been released.  Peyton Manning will be wearing different colors next year but during this morning’s press conference he promised loyal supporters that he would always bleed white, navy blue, and that brown shit color that gets all over his pants after a sack.  

Manning, Promised Colts Fans A Bright Future and Named All of Them As Inheritors

Manning left little doubt that whatever team picks him up will know that he will only play well if it is against the AFC South or a team that could possibly knock the Colts from the playoffs.  He also promised to support the new Colts quarterback, "even if it is a younger 1st round draft pick named Andrew Luck from Stanford who has no idea that someday he might simply be tossed aside like an old Taco Bell wrapper found under the center console." 

The 35 year old informed that he will donate his 7 bedroom 4 acre estate to the fans and that his wife Ashley will stay behind to service the Colts team and ownership in any way that she can.  His children, Mosely and Marshall, "were euthanized this morning and their bodies will be donated to the State of Indiana for research as to why this is all happening right now."   

Finally, Manning stated to longtime fans that the ‘Peyton Manning Children’s Hospital at St. Vincent’ will be renamed to “whatever name Colts owner Jim Irsay wants it to be because he certainly does not want my name on it anymore”.  

As he choked backed tears he concluded, “I will go it alone, I know that as long as that pigskin is in my right hand, that my target will be the heart of every Colts fan who has ever graced the earth.  May God Bless the Indianapolis Colts”
CHN. 2012.

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