Manning Promises Colts Fans He Will Play Like Crap For Whatever Team Hires Him

Future Hall Of Famer Thanks Fans; Promises Allegiance

Indianapolis (CHN Sports) - Fourteen time Pro-Bowl quarterback and favorite son of Colts fans everywhere has been released.  Peyton Manning will be wearing different colors next year but during this morning’s press conference he promised loyal supporters that he would always bleed white, navy blue, and that brown shit color that gets all over his pants after a sack.  

Manning, Promised Colts Fans A Bright Future and Named All of Them As Inheritors

Manning left little doubt that whatever team picks him up will know that he will only play well if it is against the AFC South or a team that could possibly knock the Colts from the playoffs.  He also promised to support the new Colts quarterback, "even if it is a younger 1^st round draft pick named Andrew Luck from Stanford who has no idea that someday he might simply be tossed aside like an old Taco Bell wrapper found under the center console." 

The 35 year old informed that he will donate his 7 bedroom 4 acre estate to the fans and that his wife Ashley will stay behind to service the Colts team and ownership in any way that she can.  His children, Mosely and Marshall, "were euthanized this morning and their bodies will be donated to the State of Indiana for research as to why this is all happening right now."   

Finally, Manning stated to longtime fans that the ‘Peyton Manning Children’s Hospital at St. Vincent’ will be renamed to “whatever name Colts owner Jim Irsay wants it to be because he certainly does not want my name on it anymore”.  

As he choked backed tears he concluded, “I will go it alone, I know that as long as that pigskin is in my right hand, that my target will be the heart of every Colts fan who has ever graced the earth.  May God Bless the Indianapolis Colts”

CHN. 2012.