Monday, November 12, 2012

Broadwell Book May Contain Clever Secrets Regarding Petraeus Affair

Subtle Mention Of How Paula Broadwell "Fucked The Generals Brains Out," Went Largely Unnoticed 

Washington D.C. (CHN) - It's a scandal that Hollywood couldn't have dreamed of: sex, lies, and a tell all book that just may have held a few secrets of its own.  But just as America had tallied her election count and re-elected Barack Obama, another shoe fell in the Benghazi investigation.  This one, might just bring down some of the most powerful and trusted members of the CIA along with high level editors at The Penguin Group. 

The Original Working Title "Completely Inside Of My Vagina, And I mean All of It" Was Curiously Passed Over In The Final Edit

Broadwell's book, published earlier this year, took a candid look at General David Petraeus as he boldly applied techniques learned in Iraq to propel a similar surge in Afghanistan. 

Vernon Loeb, who edited much of the book, admits that he simply missed some obvious contextual evidence that something unprofessional may have occurred between Broadwell and the General.  Loeb points to the second page which he now believes "is a very subtle reference" to the affair.

"I met the general in his barracks and immediately noticed a rather becoming bulge in his camo pants.  I let my thong underwear fall to the dirt floor, almost as if God himself had stripped them from my well toned behind.  Afghanistan is a dry arid place, but nothing would stay dry in the Generals tent that night. We began by eating oysters by candlelight all the while discussing the IED burial techniques of rouge Pakistanis who had..."
Loeb says that he initially had felt that the passage was simply a hook for readers; however upon further digging, he noticed that 'Chapter 4: The Sexual Fucking Between me (Paula) and The General (David) Part I' may have been a red flag:
"Pet David, as I now knew him, surprised me in the women's latrine this morning.  He said that I needed to undergo a 'full inspection'.  First it was demanded that I drop and give him twenty.  Twenty then became forty and soon the two of us were counting every thrust from his 4 star cock into my supple but well muscled vagina as I burned through 300 fingertip pushups with help on every single fucking one of them..."
Other editors at The Penguin Group admitted that they just didn't read a word of it because of various assumptions that the book 'would suck' and was likely filled with 'military bullshit'.

Benghazi, Libya (above) during a 7 hour firefight on Sept. 11, 2012
With Petraeus now resigned from duty, Broadwell's book appears to be getting more and more attention from the mainstream media.  But conspiracy theorists are pointing towards another overlooked excerpt from the book, a passage that Broadwell's father has said is 'much to do about nothing'.  It reads:
The conference call came in from Mr. Obama and Mrs. Clinton around 7PM Local Time.  Dave and I were in hour three of 'little Mrs. Fuel Transport'  and he told me to just keep my trailer moving.  Mrs. Clinton, or 'Boner Killer' as Dave called her, said something about an upcoming plan to kill some of our folks over in Benghazi as a way to derail Mitt Romney's campaign.  I don't know that either of us cared what that bitch was talking about; we certainly never stopped 'delivering precious supplies to the boys below'.  We were fucking; fucking our way to victory.  Inch by inch the insurgency was taking its toll on the dark unguarded cave that was literally my vagina.  Make no mistake, David Patraeus and I were literally having sex and we had it every day for 6 months."

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