by Phoenix Marie 6:15 PM est.
Comedy Hub Political Analyst
The McCain camp awoke this morning to some excellent polling data that reveals a 36 point lead over his nearest competitor in the Senior Bracket (ages 70-80). The three day Rasmussen poll surveyed 1000 likely voters and indicates that McCain and at least four others may have a clear path to the White House this November. The other notable age bracket leaders include: Abigal Breslin (12), Jenna Jameson (33), Barack Obama (48), Angela Lansbury (83).
Jameson is facing stiff competition from 39 year old unemployed steel worker Frank Castenada of Toledo, Ohio. "Frank cannot possibly represent our age bracket because by the time he takes office he would have only 3 months left to represent our 30-40 year old constituency" said Jameson's media correspondent Nikki Benz.
Presidential Race Chairman Ryan Seacrest hopes that turnout this November will reach an all time high with the introduction of text voting and seven separate age brackets. "We want to thank everyone who is running and to once again thank all contestants no matter how old, young, or completely unqualified you may be" Seacrest added.
Heavy criticism from the Agibal Breslin camp has continued to plague the race committee whom thus far will not waiver on the 18 year old minimum voting age. Race Officials are set to meet next month to attempt a cooperative truce to the situation. Sources say that the possibility of disqualifying voters over age 80 may be the only solution.
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