Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Drastic Changes Planned For Angels This Spring...

LA Angels of Anaheim Eyeing new name for 2009

by: Mike Briano, 6:35 PM PST
Comedy Hub Sports Editor

Unsupported rumors have been swirling for months and now the news has finally gained substantiation that the LA Angels will likely change their name prior to the 2009 season. Disgruntled former first baseman Casey Kotchman disclosed the details to an Atlanta Constitution reporter this Tuesday.

The Angels have represented many geographic areas since their 1961 debut as the "Los Angeles Angels". In 1965 the Angels decided to represent the entire State of California and did so until Disney took control in 1997. Disney, desperate to break ground on a new city called "Anaheim", used the nickname "Anaheim Angels" to draw media attention to Orange County which would not gain national attention until the debut of "The Real Housewives of Orange County" nearly 10 years later.

The real change came in 2005 when owner Arte Moreno, a wealthy marketing guru, was able to parlay the old Anaheim Angels name into the "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim". This is the first known dual city team in any sport throughout human history; this is likely because it is impossible to represent two home cities unless your team is run by a marketing whore.

Moreno's newest scheme is far more ambitious. It is now confirmed that on opening day 2009 the Angels will take the field as the Brooklyn Angels of Los Angeles, making them the first bi-coastal sports team to ever take the diamond. An anonymous source within the Angels front office offered the following comment:

"Brooklyn has been clamoring for a baseball team since the Dodgers broke their heart in 1957; it's time that someone reaches out to them and their increasingly wealthy fan base; we have proven that we need no physical presence in a city whatsoever to draw on its rich baseball viewing resources"

In other team notes the Angels have retired the number of Orel Hershiser despite his never pitching an inning for the club; additionally they have named Sandy Koufax their favorite Jew baseball player of the 20th century.

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