Thursday, December 11, 2008

Baby Seal Hunter Finds Dating Increasingly Difficult

by:Racquel Darian, Comedy Hub Editor
7:15 Am EST

Monty Wiggins, a 38 year old native of Edmonton, Canada, has found the dating scene to be less than satisfying over the past few years. "I'm not sure what exactly it takes these days to find the right person; but I sure as hell can't figure it out". Monty seemed to have little difficulty finding attractive, intelligent woman during college. "Girls liked my humor and generally thought that I was a good looking guy" relates Monty.

Everything did seem to be going smoothly until 2005 when Monty turned 35 years old. "I don't know what it is with that magic number 35 but women seemed to run from me once I hit that pivotal age," Monty told his sister during a recent phone call.

Early in 2005, Monty left his job as a commercial real estate broker and picked up work as a baby seal hunter.  Baby seal hunters can make a generous living and work just a small part of the year. "I took a new job that allowed me the time to start a family; wouldn't ya know it, now that I have the time, I can't seem to get to a third date with any woman in town".

Mr. Wiggins claims to have tried just about everything to impress women, "Just last week I prepared a romantic dinner at home for a girl I had met at the library. I spared no expense with the dinner itself, shark fin soup and veal parmigiana. She was the 'I don't eat dinner' type so I'm certain we had no future anyway".

Monty does have one strong theory to explain his dating trouble: "Ok, I do realize that there is a skeleton in the closet here.  I admit that I have a 6 year old daughter named Skyler. I showed a cute picture of her to a girl I had met back in March on 'take your daughter to work day'. We were both red with blood of course.  It was so adorable because Skyler was unable to kill the seals because of her obvious lack of strength.  She was able to help grab the injured cubs that were attempting to flee so that I could take another attempt at crushing their skulls.  It's just a shame that more woman are not open to meeting men with kids."

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