Friday, May 8, 2009

David Stern Announces Two Automatic Overtimes For Remaining 2009 NBA Playoff Games

Decision should net the league an additional $14 Million of Advertising Revenue Per Game

Los Angeles, CA:
An interesting thing happened last week in the Chicago vs. Boston series; the NBA made substantial unexpected revenue. Seven overtimes were played in the best of 7 series which had NBA fans clamoring for more. "We have a term for that series (Chicago vs. Boston) that was expected to be a first round ratings bust, the term is ‘Cha-Ching" according to the NBA’s Vice President of Operations Stu Jackson. Jackson added, “We have found that overtimes are 62% more exciting than an average full length quarter; that equals the color green for the league and it’s T.V. licensing revenue”.

The new game format, announced Friday, will include one 5 minute overtime period between the first quarter and second quarter and a second overtime period that will occur with 2:00 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter. “It’s sort of a 2:00 minute warning” said Jackson. “The NFL has had that on us for some time; the difference is that our warning has teeth because both teams will stop play and begin a 5 minute overtime period just to make sure they understand the relevance of the remaining 2 minutes”. “Finally”, Jackson added, “We are going to spice things up a bit; any game that finishes with a score closer than a 10 point spread will go directly to penalty kicks”. Further details were not available at press time.

Stern describes the new overtime rules as 'Where More Happens" during his exclusive release

Stern openly defended the change in format to the media following the Lakers win over Rockets in the last ‘non-automatic overtime’ NBA playoff game. “Look we have spent a lot of time and money to get where we are today. Just a short time ago, Kobe Bryant was doing spots for the American Kennel Club, now we have convinced America to forget that he raped that whore in Colorado so that he can sell Big Macs and Rock Band video games with that pot head Michael Phelps”. Stern concluded, "It's time we get a return on our investment".

The automatic overtime policy will officially replace the old policy of simply giving huge amounts of cash to the officiating crew that called any game that went into overtime. A policy the NBA has found to be cash dilutive. When asked if the automatic overtimes would draw out games too long without purpose just to generate additional revenue David Stern responded: “Lets be perfectly frank here, I don't eat shellfish, catch my drift”?

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