by Austin Kincaid 8:35 AM est.
Comedy Hub Food Expert
With the US economy stalled amid a housing crisis and record energy costs one small segment of the economy that has been well under the radar is suffering total devastation: The Trans Fat Producers of America (TFPA).
"Big media has been airing the plight of consumers and homeowners over the past year; I have yet to see one story about the total devastation to TFPA members" announced Chairwoman Veronica Knight at the annual fat, lard, and fat-lard hybrid expo in Birmingham, Alabama earlier this week.
Last month the Giampietro family joined legions of other small Midwest trans fat farmers and went belly up as demand for human killing food additives continued to slide.
Al Giampietro summed up his frustration in the current market; "the trans fat economy was strong through some of best times in American history; just look at the 1990's, we had a strong economy, relative peace in the world, and plenty of delicious trans fats in our snacks and processed foods". He continued, "This unfettered campaign against all that is good in the world must come to an end. Companies aren't just stopping their regular business with us but they also are working tirelessly to ruin the trans-fat economy by proudly stating that their product does not contain any tongue comforting trans-fat.
Doctors and Nutritionists have been arguing for years that trans fats are neither essential nor salubrious and, in fact, the consumption of trans fats increases one's risk of coronary heart disease by raising levels of "bad" LDL cholesterol and lowering levels of "good" HDL cholesterol. Health authorities worldwide recommend that consumption of trans fat be reduced to trace amounts.
But the few remaining members of the TFPA contend that trans fat is sure to follow the path of disco music which became wildly popular for a short time, made mainstream America nauseous, and finally reemerged 20 years later not unlike an acid flashback. "When consumers finally take this country back from the health nuts; we will be ready and well stocked to bring them the extra chemically enhanced fat that they crave" concluded Ms. Knight.