Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Waterpark Provides Likely Opportunity For 12 Year Old To See 1st 'Nip Slip'

Focus Will Center On Final Turn Of 'The Vortex" Thanks To Information From Jake Conners
by: Tarren Aanika, CHN SoCal Edition

San Dimas, CA (CHN): Jimmy Sayers woke up Saturday morning and jumped out of bed with excitement; today just might be 'The Day'. After all, it's summer break (FDR middle school let out on Friday) and the first item on the summer agenda is Raging Waters Adventure Park. Jimmy and close friend Martin Rivera will be getting a ride from Martin's mom for what should be a day they will never forget. A day, that if successful, will result in multiple bikini 'nip slips'; all within the carefully focused eyes of two 12 year old boys.

Jimmy spoke openly to CHN about his summer vacation plans, "It's been really hard because Martin already had his first nip slip three weeks ago at Jessica Davenport's birthday party... I guess Maria Ochoa jumped off the diving board and tried to do a swan dive" said Jimmy with a painful expression as he shook his head from side to side. He continued, "I couldn't make it because of a stupid soccer tournament." But Jimmy now has good reason to think that his time had come. "Martin and I were sitting behind 8th graders Jake Conners and Rudy Martinez in the cafeteria last Thursday, we heard a lot of suff." Jimmy paraphrased the conversation for CHN:

"You just don't see chicks' nipples by random chance; it's not that easy. You have to prepare and be ready. Everyone thinks the Flowrider 'Simulated Surf' machine is the best place, especially after Marty Booker said he saw four nip slips in just 42 minutes (One of them supposedly was Katie Perkins) but that's not the place to be; it's just not. Sure, bikini tops get jolted around on the Flowrider, but the girls expect it and always breach the surface of the water after already covering up and checking their tops. The Vortex, well that's another story. The final turn is a big surprise and all you want to do is pop up for air after you hit the landing tank; it can take up to a full second to check your suit after you get your balance. That's the spot, that's where we wait; we only leave to get corn dogs and churros. Marty Booker can have the Flowrider." -Jake Conners, 8th grader

"Raging Waters is a three park franchise in California" says Dale Freeport, 52 year old Raging Waters General Manager. "As to your question specifically, yeah it's a right of passage; that's pretty much why we're here" said Freeport. "I'll never forget my first; it was Sally Stromeyer at Wild Water Adventures in St. Louis. Let's just say that by the next summer I had a part time job at Wild Water and pretty much was hooked in this industry ever since. I moved to California in 1981 because Tommy Reynolds said he had never seen so many hot girls just waiting for their tops to be jerked free by a wave pool at 'Wild Rivers' down in Irvine. In regard to the Vortex; Yeah word is getting around. Frankly, I recommend coming back next summer when we re-open 'Neptune's Fury'. It's been upgraded to 36,000 gallons per minute of nip slipping water pressure. Just to be clear guys - I'm totally focused on the occasional MILF that comes through with her daughter, I'm no perv."

As of press time, Jimmy Sayers had not reported back in regard to any possible success at the Vortex landing pool. His mom says that after he got home he has pretty much been in his room and wont even come out for the Mac and Cheese she made for him.


7 comments:

Jake Sully Nipple Lover said...

Did this 12 year old see Avatar. Their were plenty of blue nipples in Avatar... Jake Sully must have got his start at a waterpark -

http://comedyhub.blogspot.com/2010/03/jake-sully-admits-hometree-downfall-due.html

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