by Savannah Stern Comedy Hub Writter
11:45 AM EST.
Long time season ticket holder and verbally abusive super fan Alex Wanger announced last Thursday that he is on the disabled list after a freak accident in the section C Men's Bathroom during the 5th inning of the Brewers 5-1 loss to the Cincinnati Reds.
Wanger who prides himself on telling Reds slugger Adam Dunn that his mother is a Walrus slipped on an overturned basket of garlic fries as he attempted to return to his seat prior to Dunn's at bat with the Brewers down just 3-1.
Team Doctor Shinzi Lynn reports that Wanger will suffer no permanent damage to his ass hole rim but should be in significant discomfort during his next 100-115 bowel movements.
Dr. Lynn suggested that Wanger stick to softer foods like Carnation Ice Cream and soft frozen lemenade.
Wanger will be re-assigned to AAA Nashville for rehab. He will attempt 20 minutes of sitting and heckling July 10th against the Memphis Redbirds.
"If all goes well we will have him back where we need him by August 1st" reports Brewers manager Ned Yost. "The stats don't lie we are 433-827 with Wanger in the stands and just 1-4 without him; we need him back quickly.... sore ass hole or not" a concerned Yost concluded.