Joe Jackson Wins Custody; Debuts "Jackson 3"

Trio to 'Honor' Michael's Upcoming London Tour Dates
by: Mandy Westgate , CHN Hollywood Minute, 10:45 AM PST

LOS ANGELES: A high stakes custody battle between Jackson's parents and Debbie Rowe has finally been resolved out of court according to a Jackson family representative. The three children (Prince Michael, 12; Paris Michael Katherine, 11; and Prince Michael II (blanket), 7) have been with their grandparents since Michael's death on June 25th.

Joe and Katherine Jackson want to raise the children with 'love and guidance'. Additionally, they have disclosed that each child will receive a $7.00 per week allowance which is equivalent to what Michael made when he was their age, albeit after 3 platinum singles and several years of 'whippins'.

Early feedback from America's newest pop group has varied widely. Their sound so far is likened to both Hansen and Alvin and The Chipmunks. Simon, one of three lead vocalists from the aforementioned animated group, was asked about the comparison to the 'Jackson 3' by CHN and replied "Bull Fucking-Shit" in a sped-up baritone voice.

Jermaine Jackson has already gone public with his anger that he has not been asked to perform in the group; telling multiple sources that Blanket's back-up vocals are atrocious.

"It's unclear if these kids will need to be disciplined the same way I unmercifully beat their father and the others" said Joe Jackson to a handful of reporters just hours after the King of Pop had been laid to rest. "I think it's different for each child; my 9 children all needed harsh systematic beatings, various types of sexual abuse, and lifelong battles with me over proceeds from their artistic work as minors".

"We can only pray that these three respond in much the same way", concluded Joe with a sheepish smile as he lightly stroked a giant wooden paddle behind his back.

AEG Live, Michael's promoter for the pending tour, has stated that refunds are clearly not necessary now that the 'Jackson 3' will be available for the entirety of the London concert series. "We wont be charging ticket holders any additional money for getting two more Jackson's than originally planned" stated AEG on their website.

Final details of the custody agreement are not expected to be made public. Speculation from a close friend of Debbie Rowe's revealed that a deal was likely struck allowing Rowe to take all proceeds from an upcoming interview between Diane Sawyer and Bubbles the Chimp. Also, a 25 million dollar payout was made to Rowe.

Rowe, pictured right in a black shirt which portrays three wolves howling to the moon not unlike three motherless children, might be seizing her final opportunity to sell or profit from the two children that she crapped out under contract in 1997 and 1998 respectively.

Rowe's attorney, did not entirely agree; "When Joe and Katherine Jackson die we will get one more shot at a payday; we just want what's best for the children" said Almli, as she winked at her driver to close the bullet proof windows of her Mercedez-Benz Maybach which was being towed by a separate Maybach so that the sound of the motor could not be heard in her Maybach.

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