Monday, April 19, 2010

Casualties Still Mounting After MGMT Coachella Performance

Bands Decision To Front-load Songs From New Album Devastate Once Hopeful Audience

Indio, CA (CHN) : It was the opportunity of a lifetime; at least that is what 17 year old Samantha Grigsby of Riverside, California thought after buying Coachella tickets months in advance in order to see Brooklyn based MGMT perform live for the first time. Little could Samantha have known that she would be just one of hundreds to suffer serious mental and self inflicted physical injuries after a deluge of new songs from MGMT wreaked havoc on festival attendees.

"I kind of thought the first song was some sort of parody of what MGMT would be like if they were the worst band in America," said a weak but still living USC student as she recovered at Palm Desert's Eisenhower Hospital while listening to the MGMT hit 'Kids' which was never played at Coachella. "All I can remember is that the snickering and smiles turned really fast to outrage and panic; I mean, the band totally played 5 straight songs from their new album instead of the incredibly good songs from the hit album Oracular Spectacular."

"They started dropping like flies out there" reported Dave Austin who was just one of many EMT's to respond after the 911 calls began to flood in. "Somehow we fought off the soul-less amalgamation of sound called "Flash Delirium" in order to reach the stage. Once there, we begged the band to play "Electric Feel". By that time, the damage had been done... the causalities were in the 100's".

Official reports and security cameras indicate that most didn't even attempt to run; self mutilation became the order of the day. Surviving fans of MGMT admit that the only way they could identify with the bands apparent suicide mission was to begin inflicting puncture wounds and trauma on their own bodies. Blood stains and puked out garlic fries lend theory to various hanging attempts on the VIP boundary fence. Others seem to have shoved sharp utensils and marijuana pipes into their ears during failed attempts to dull the sound of the unmerciful 'surfer rock' being pumped through the outdoor arena speakers.

Rolling Stone writer David Fricke refused to comment on where the new album placed among the all time worst ventures in audio history. He did say that "this wasn't the first time that horrible music has been written and performed live; it is however, the first time that the worst ever written music has been performed live.

As of press time, concert casualties have only been survived by those who were shielded by music performed on opposing stages by Major Laser and David Guetta and also those still stuck in the 4 hour wait-for-parking line between the I-10 and the Empire Polo Grounds.

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UPDATE: Survivors of the new album are reporting extreme loss of motor movement, balance, and ability to wear and/or try to wear flip flops. Warning, the following video should be watched with caution and dismay:


Comedy_Hub said...

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Hipster said...



Fence Wizard said...

MGMT Was Terrible at Coachella Festival. MGMT's New Album 'Congratulation' sucks... No thank you to 'Congratulations'.

Congratulations said...

The LA Times gave MGMT a cold review for their performance at Coachella. Muse was better later on, but MGMT got booed because they sucked, their new stuff is not good in any way I can define the word 'good'

Kanye West said...

Will MGMT be at Coachella 2011?

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