Sunday, April 4, 2010

LA Resident: 'I Told You We Were Due For An Earthquake'

Local Mail Carrier Predicts SoCal Quake With Uncanny Accuracy
by: Erica Bianco, 11:35 am PST
CHN Disaster Center and Chief Sommelier

Marina Del Rey- Bill Parsons has been warning neighbors and friends for the past 10 years about his belief that 'we are just about due for another earthquake'. After this afternoon's 7.2 quake centered in Baja California, Mr. Parsons has a lot of 'I told ya so's to hand out. He will do that Monday morning along with his Route 16e mail route that he has been servicing for the past 36 years.

"I wouldn't say that I warn people on a daily basis about the next quake", Parsons admits, "but damn close to it". Parson's study of plate tectonics is not the result of any formal education or research; instead Parsons describes his ability to forecast random events with random accuracy as a 'combination of street smarts and a tingle in his left elbow'.

"The elbow is the main thing; it's been sore for 10 years... I am sorry to say that all indications point to another quake in the very near future", warns Parsons.

Some Route 16e mail customers are not convinced or happy about Parson's warnings that can be found on his blog:

Tim Schofield is one of Parsons many daily stops, "He comes in here every day, year after year, claiming that the Cubs will definitely do it this year or today may be the day that we find the WMD's" says Schofield, "I'm so sick of his bullshit I want to hit him over the head with a shovel. But this time that son of a bitch nailed it; he was dead right about this earthquake that he has been warning us about for the past 106 straight months".

Parson's recent success in earthquake forecasting has drawn some additional attention to the rest of his 2010 picks. He is certain that Obama was born in Kenya, that the Chinamen rigged the Olympic Games, and that LA Sparks forward Candice Parker is a lesbian. He has also recently confirmed that he didn't give Ricky Martin the time of day before or after he went fruity.


Anonymous said...

Mr. Parsons had done it again. Just amazing really.

Anonymous said...

Without any formal training. I dont buy it.

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