Saturday, October 30, 2010

Walker, Texas Ranger Goes 5-5 with 20 RBI

Chuck Norris Saves Rangers Season With Game 3 Heroics 

Arlington, TX (CHN) - After two going away losses in San Francisco the Texas Rangers needed a boost heading back home.  A boost is exactly what they got from Chuck Norris, aka Walker, Texas Ranger, during the Rangers 26 - 0 drubbing of the visiting Giants Saturday night.  

Norris, Refused To Use A Bat After The 5th Inning
"Norris was great for us tonight," said Texas Manager Ron Washington.  He continued, "After he hit his 4th consecutive grand slam in the 6th we knew he would come up big in his final at bat... I mean who could have expected that he would lay down the first ever infield 'inside the park' grand slam to finish the game."  

Washington then bowed his head and offered a sincere apology for the untimely deaths of Freddy Sanchez and Juan Uribe which occurred after Norris saw the 'sacrifice sign' in the bottom of the first inning with Ian Kinsler at the plate and a runner on first.  

Eventually it became clear that the San Francisco pitchers couldn't solve the 70 year old crime-fighter and Giants hitters couldn't seem to hit around him.  "I've never seen a shortstop rob a home run before," said the Giant's Buster Posey.  He added, "That was fucked up."


Norris, Pictured above in his 1986 debut with the Rangers, decided to put his baseball career on hold for 25 years to pursue crime-fighting and general acts of improbable heroics. However, after watching games 1 and 2 of the 2010 World Series, Norris was called to action to save his hometown Rangers.   

The Rangers game-plan did change (with Norris) according to insiders.  "There is no 'steal sign' for Chuck because he just takes what is rightfully his," according to first base coach Gary Pettis. He added, "there is also no need for a take sign because he can stare a curve-ball straight for both himself and teammates". 

Other teams tried to lure Norris in the past.  The Cubs attempted to sway Norris into joining their team by growing ivy around the outfield in honor of his beard.  However, during spring training with the Cubs in '93 as a pitcher, it was realized that the only player that could catch a Chuck Norris fastball was Chuck Norris.

In other MLB notes, a spokesman for the Atlanta Braves announced that the franchise would now be changing their name to the Atlanta Braves *But Not As Brave As Chuck Norris.

  

3 comments:

CHN said...

Chuck Norris Saves Rangers Season With Game 3 Heroics

Arlington, TX (CHN) - After two going away losses in San Francisco the Texas Rangers needed a boost heading back home. A boost is exactly what they got from Chuck Norris, aka Walker, Texas Ranger, during the Rangers 26 - 0 drubbing of the visiting Giants Saturday night.

Anonymous said...

i hear the yankee's have put in a bid for acquiring norris for next spring...

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