Thursday, December 16, 2010

Assistant Manager Usually Able To Poop After 2nd Cup of Coffee


Grand Rapids, MI (CHN) -  The Grand Rapids Area Chamber of Commerce opens at 9AM Monday thru Friday and on every one of those days assistant account manager Ron Corbett has two full cups of coffee prior to taking a shit in the single stall unisex bathroom. 

Corbett's consistency has impressed 
staff for nearly a decade
Receptionist Wendy Breyer has confirmed with CHN that Mr. Corbett generally spews warm, likely moist, but verifiably pungent farts between 10:15 and 10:25.  "It will sort of linger... if it (the fart odor) doesn't stick around for 30-40 seconds then I know he hasn't finished his 2nd cup and may not be ready to take a dump for 20 or 30 more minutes.

Corbett, a Grand Rapids native, usually eats Frosted Mini-Wheats and a banana with his first cup of coffee at home.  Up until the spring of 2009, Corbett's co-workers had reason to believe that he was picking up coffee from Starbucks en route to work which he would finish in his car just prior to entering the office and clocking in for the day. 

"Back then Ron would typically drop a load within 10 minutes of clocking in," confirmed human resource manager Daryl Boykins. He continued, "Now he seems to be on a set schedule of drinking his 2nd cup here at the office and taking a 10-12 minute shit right around 10:30.

Last Tuesday the office break room ran out of coffee and sources have confirmed that this delayed Mr. Corbett's crap until 11:45AM.  Corbett emerged approximately 20 minutes later and seemed rather unsatisfied.  An un-named coworker verifyies that he had two Dr. Peppers but "frankly at that point, he was just off his schedule".

2 comments:

CHN said...

Grand Rapids, MI (CHN) - The Grand Rapids Area Chamber of Commerce opens at 9AM Monday thru Friday and on every one of those days assistant account manager Ron Corbett has two full cups of coffee prior to taking a shit in the unisex bathroom.

Christian Laettner said...

As someone who knows a lot about poop, I can tell you that two cups never made me better.

Regards,
Christian Laettner

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