Red Storm Students and Alums Relieved After Elaborate Hoax Finally Revealed
Queens, NY - St. John's University Athletic Director Chris Monasch was all smiles Thursday Morning after finally coming clean that he had not lost his mind and in fact had not actually hired Steve Lavin as head basketball coach. Lavin is widely known for dismantling one of the most prestigious basketball programs in the country and miraculously parleying his career into a multi year contract with ESPN.
"Luckily His tenure at UCLA only lasted 7 years" said legendary coach John Wooden. Lavin was known by the Bruin faithful as the anti-Wooden for his complete and utter disdain for the basic fundamentals such as blocking out, developing game-plans, and coaching.
"I have to admit that I shit my pants for a minute", said St. John's Junior Forward D.J. Kennedy. "I mean, seriously, it's not even an accidental diarrhea squirt, I literally took a full dump in my pants".
The total cost of the hoax including airfare, media accommodations, and hundreds of hired actors is estimated at $180,000.00. "A bargain," admits St. Johns President Donald Harrington. "This one will keep us all laughing for some time". Harrington also confirmed to CHN that part of the charade included the 3 year fake marriage to C-level actress Mary Ann Jarou. Jarou admitted that her part in the hoax was trying at times but "if you coulda seen the look on his face this morning".
St. John's is notorious for organizing large scale April Fools jokes. In 2008 a St. John's Professor began a rumor that 1/3 of the U.S. Strategic Oil Reserve was Molasses; just last year an alumnus convinced the NY Times that his local furniture store received over $40 billion in TARP funds. The school newspaper raised the bar with an unprecedented 'February Fools' new story earlier this year in which it was reported that President Obama had negotiated the Winter Olympics moved to Chicago.