Friday, February 19, 2010

Gallop Poll: 74% of Americans Believe Swiss Chard is Cheese

Farmers Demand Answers From Failing Chard PR Lobby

Oshkosh, WI (CHN): According to a recently published Gallop Survey, confusion about Swiss Chard has now reached the highest level since the Reagan Administration when it was presumed that exotic vegetable awareness would simply trickle down to the masses.

The gallop poll also indicated that 22% of Americans regularly mistake the leafy vegetable for 'Swiss Chode' when reading about it in cookbooks or romance novellas.

Swiss Chard farmers blame the new findings and also other historic mistakes directly on the Chard Horticulture Establishment & Eating Society Emissary or C.H.E.E.S.E. who recently designated 'National Swiss Chard Awareness Week' the same week as the International Cheese Clubs 'All things Swiss' Parade and Dinner Dance in Chippewa County Wisconsin.

"We have very few recognizable products that bare our proud name" admits Swiss alphorn blower Johannes Bjorg. He continued, "Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate has been a thorn in our side for decades and as you know Swiss Army knives have the been the butt of most cutlery jokes for over 100 years". Bjorg's frustration was well founded considering a rash of bad luck and missed opportunity throughout Chard history; the following chart was commissioned to identify the largest problems (click to enlarge):

Vegetable historians believe that the biggest blow to the 'Sea beet' descendant was the 1931 decision by Warner Brothers animators to have Popeye eat a can of spinach instead of the originally scripted cans of Swiss Chard. According to C.H.E.E.S.E. President Dirk Dairyman the deep pockets of 'Big Spinach' were "far too powerful" for our product to compete with.

Nutritional experts now believe that most Americans have been mistakenly using Swiss Cheese instead of chard in a host of recipes. "At the turn of the century grilled Swiss Chard sandwiches were all the rage" said food historian Jacques LeParee. He continued, "America's youth today wouldn't know what to do with a chard sandwich if it jumped up and bit them... although I think they would try to smoke it".

The Gallop poll may well have punctuated the public relations failure of the Chard lobby, in so doing it seems to indicate a larger problem of American culinary consumers who seem to misidentify many common foods. An astounding 88% of all single men are found to believe that steel cut oats are a type of structural lumber and nearly 40% thought that pumpkin spice was a female musician.

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