Saturday, August 1, 2009

CHN: The Comedy Hub Network Greatest Hits

Dear Readers,
Thank you for wasting a little bit of your time to support the collosal waste of time that our writers spend making up bullshit. Here are some of our latest and greatest - so get caught up:

Headline News
Waterpark Provides Likely Opportunity For 12 Yr. Old To See 1st 'Nip Slip'
Latest 'Teacher Seduces Boy' Story Loses Traction; She's Just Not That Hot.
Surgical Mask Fetish Group Officially In 'Heyday'
Pittsburgh makes quadrennial statement: "We are not in running for Olympic Games"
Chatsworth, CA: Train Crash Re-Enactment kills 21
Pentagon Orders 15 Million Tons of 'Mighty Mend-It'
Reunited Cat "Dixie" Promptly Runs Away From Home
LA County Resident: "Told you we were due for a quake"
Police: The Corpse We Found Ended Up Being A Nobody
Kansas and Nebraska Move Forward with Joint Secession Plan

George Clooney Realizes That Even Mundane Tasks Are Sexy When He Does It
He-Man Finally Admits Inappropriate Relationship with Battle Cat 'Cringer'
Joe Jackson Wins Custody; Debuts 'Jackson 3'
Jack Nicholson eyes role of 'Joker' in possible Batman Sequel
Adult Film Industry Can't Ignore "Offshore Drilling" Cliche Opportunities
Gargamel Finally Catches, Rapes Smurfette
George Lucas taking "Clone Wars" Bluff All The Way to Theaters

Dos Equis 'Frontman' Quietly Let Go Following Adult Diaper Revelation
United Airlines Partners with Greyhound to Bring You The Worst Travel Experience of Your Life
Trans Fat Producers Fall On Tough Times
Bernie Madoff Liquidates His Plot in Hell for $126M
Analyst Schedules Steve Jobs Funeral for March 8, 2009
Local Furniture Store Gets 46.2 Billion from TARP
American Airlines to Charge Fee For "All Four Limbs"
Bernanke announces interest rate cut on his Boca Raton Rental Property
33% of U.S. Strategic Oil Reserve Found to be Simple Molasses

1992 'Dream Team' Wants Christian Laettner Removed From Roster
David Stern: "Two Automatic Overtimes for Remaining Playoff Games"
Yankees Sign NL West to 3 year $922M Contract
Drastic Changes Planned For Angels This Spring
Brett Favre Wins NCAA Ruling; Will Return to Southern Mississippi
Milwaukee Brewers Fan out 4-6 weeks with bruised Ass Hole
Kobe Bryant Agent Pulls AKC Spot Just Prior to Airtime
Angels Pitcher Jared Weaver over-playing 1976 song "Dream Weaver"

50 millionth Aborted Fetus to Win Trip To Aculpoco
Schwarzenegger Explore Non-Conventional Options to Close Budget
Obama Flashes Tits to Curry Favor at Pentagon Meet and Greet
Marines lose confidence in Obama's ability to recognize 2-3 Zone
Clinton shocks on Convention Eve; Chooses Biden as VP
Palin's 4 Month Old Son Trig May Be Preggers
McCain Selects Cute High School Chick For VP
CA Budget to be 'saved' with infusion from Cousin of Nigerian Oil Minister
Bush Suggests Honor Killing of Keith Olbermann
McCain opens wide lead in Senior Presidential Competition
Obama Finally Reaches Climax; Gives Pearl Necklace to Wife Michelle
Clinton claims victory in S. Dakota; Picks Obama as VP
Lesbian Activists to Obama Girl: "Eat Shit.... Die"

Click HERE for the most recent release from the Comedy Hub

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