Monday, August 17, 2009

Kirk Gibson Still Getting Laid From Walk Off Home Run

Cougars Are Most Likely Candidates

Los Angeles, CA (CHN)- The year was 1988 and the Oakland A's were putting the finishing touches on a game 1 World Series victory over the Dodgers at Chavez Ravine. Dennis Eckersly, one of the game's most prolific all-time closers, was in to take care of business and he was doing just that after registering the first two outs. Little did he know that he was on the wrong side of sports history and was about to serve up a pitch that would lead to a lifetime of undeserved sex for Kirk Gibson.

The Dodger hero sat down with CHN at a local pub to discuss his remarkable home run and to drive home the fact that he has had far more sex than Orel Hershiser, Steve Sax, and Frank Sinatra combined.

"I think that any man who is having difficulty meeting women in Los Angeles should consider playing for the Dodgers and hitting the most memorable home run in baseball history," said an extremely satisfied Gibson.

I'm a modest guy though, I mean I'm sure Neil Armstrong and David from the story about David and Goliath have done just as well as me", said Gibson as he grabbed the hair of the waitress and demanded that she re-enact his universally known double first pump that accompanied his rounding of 2nd base exactly 21 years and 4 months prior.

"You might remember that I had gotten myself into an 0-2 hole; of course nowadays I have access to both holes anytime I want," confided Gibson as he motioned towards the front and rear of a woman who happened to walk by at just the right moment. Gibson continued, "That at bat took over 7 minutes, that's 4 minutes longer than the average man can last." boasted the .268 career hitter as he motioned to his penis with both hands and manually interpreted what was most likely an indication of male orgasm after 7 minutes of various types of sexual intercourse with an unusual emphasis on an ass to mouth money shot.

"I guess its been a good run, you know I only took one at bat the whole series and was still named the MVP; I could point to about 25,000 women within 2 miles of here who would also vote me their MVP after just one contact with my historic bat." Gibson then simulated a full at bat with his fists pressed together at this crouch as if to indicate that his penis was a bat and that he was having difficulty lifting it because of its size and weight.

The interview then ended abruptly as the former slugger graciously grabbed the check and did one final slow motion trot around the bar before leaving with his wife and three children.

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