Thursday, June 16, 2011

Hillary Clinton Spending 4 Hours A Day Pressing Huma Abedin Firmly Into Her Bossom


Washington D.C. (CHN) - Just days after their return to Washington, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and aide Huma Abedin continue to spend copious amounts of time together.  Indications are that nearly all of that time is spent on the chase lounger in Clinton's State Department Office with the elder Secretary of State firmly embracing the newlywed Abedin.

It's been nearly 3 weeks since the sexting story of Abedin's husband, New York Congressman Anthony Wiener, broke; but there is still no official estimate on the longevity of Clinton's tender multi-hour twice daily caressing sessions.

Although many close to Abedin believe that she is well recovered and that she was previously aware that Weiner was a douche-bag; Clinton has blocked out most of her schedule indefinitely for the private one on one counseling and has remanded staff to ignore all calls from husband Bill should he ever call.  Un-named sources indicate that Clinton forces Abedin into the fetal position prior to carefully stroking her hair, shoulders, and hips - all the while repeating "There, there... There, there".

For his part, Bill Clinton has also made every effort to reach out to Abedin; no official meeting has been scheduled as of press time.

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