Thursday, February 3, 2011

GOP Selects Guadalajara, Mexico For 2012 Convention

Historic Effort To Target Latino Vote Viewed As Key To Next Election

Children in Guadalajara, Jalisco Celebrate 
The News At A Local Dump
Phoenix, AZ (CHN) - Arizona Republican National Committee members met this morning to receive final news on the host city selection for the parties 2012 convention. Although Phoenix was not chosen; lawmakers in the state may have played a large role in the GOP's final selection of Guadalajara, Mexico.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer went on record with CHN; "We realize that the SB1070 immigration law was unpopular among some in our community and the nation at large. 

Those folks that I am referring to are often called 'Mexicans', informed Brewer, as she made overt quotation gestures with both hands while adjusting the pitch of her voice to a combination shout/whisper.  She kept both eyelids frozen wide open for an unusually long amount of time which only dissipated with the onset of a slow but consistent vertical head nod finally and unfortunately giving way to a first verse rendition of José Martí's Cuban Classic, "Guantanamera".

Hotel Accommodations Are 
Reportedly In Final Preparation
Jalisco Governor Jorge Sandoval released the following comment to state news agencies in Mexico:

"Realmente no sé por qué los americanos quieren venir aquí. Todo lo que podemos hacer es tratar de llevar a sus mujeres y su dinero. Somos corruptos."

Newly elected GOP Chairman Reince Priebus responded to Mr. Sandoval with a simple and polite: "Thank You".

Earlier this week the Democratic National Convention set their quadannual for Charlotte, North Carolina.  When current Chairman Tim Kaine was asked if he had been 'out foxed' in the competitive host city selection process he responded: "Si".

However, Administration officials were quick to play down the news of the GOP's selection which is set to be the first ever non-domestic U.S. political convention by either party.  

Un-named sources from the DNC claim that the convention is indeed a clever stunt but that the people of Guadalajara, Mexico are smart enough to see through this attempt by the GOP to take over the illegal immigrant vote that they [Democrats] have held for decades.

Other cities considered not 'Mexican' enough for the GOP 2012 convention were Tampa, Salt Lake City, Nashville, and Calgary.  Calgary was running strong in the days leading up to the decision, however, it was later determined that the Canadian vote was a fucking joke. 

Update:  Jan Brewer reportedly learned the song "Guantanamera" from an extremely white singer named Pete Seeger:

1 comment:

CHN said...

(CHN) Historic Effort To Target Latino Vote Viewed As Key To Next Election

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