Thursday, April 23, 2009

Somali Pirates Refuse to Highjack Shipment of Dodge Durangos

Chrysler CEO under fire for attempted Insurance Fraud
by: Kaylee Strutt, CHN Intern. 1:45 PM EST.

Insurance giant AIG, embattled over criticism concerning taxpayer bailouts, has lashed out at auto maker Chrysler; one of it's largest customers, when it uncovered an attempted insurance scheme that might have cost 100's of millions.

A tip came when International shipper Trans-Ocean reported that Chrysler had ordered a one-way shipment to "somewhere near Somalia" and that docking and unloading "would not be necessary". One week prior the CEO of auto maker Chrysler, Robert Nardelli had reportedly taken out a huge insurance policy protecting an international shipment of 650 - 2008 Dodge Durangos.

"He insured them for three times their value" said Doug Skeeger, an account rep from AIG. "These seem to be remaining un-sold models from last year that they couldn't give away here in the U.S." Skeeger continued, "If I was good at my job or gave a crap about anything I probably would have mentioned this to my district manager a lot sooner".

Nardelli disputes Skeeger's accusation of fraud and insists that the order of Durangos was being shipped C.O.D. to wealthy land barons in Dubai. When reached for comment the wealthy land barons released this written statement: "We wouldn't be caught dead driving those pieces of shit"

As of press time the ocean liner loaded with Durangos was dangerously low on fuel following a strange and hastily coordinated itinerary that led the vessel through a series of zig zags along the Somali coastline. The ships crew was instructed to play an audio tape on the ships emergency loud speaker once it reached the Somalia shore. The Captain, James Blankfeld believes that the tape must have been a famous local comedian because the small passing boats would laugh and wave after hearing it... "I don't know - I don't speak Somalian" reported Blankfeld.

When confronted with the route map (below) that he provided the ship captain upon departure from U.S controlled waters Nardelli promptly pretended to spill coffee on his lap and ran from the room screaming "Hot penis; oh sweet bastard that's a hot penis".

AIG additionally reported that it also had evidence that GM's Hummer division was attempting a similar fraud by placing all of its inventory into "safe-storage" located on a fast melting ice sheet just off the South-Eastern Greenland Coast.

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