Meeting At The Rose Garden

Obama; Clinton Caught By Live Camera 

Washington D.C. (CHN) -  Camera's Were On and Captured Obama and Clinton Discussing Some Unusual Issues prior to Martin Luther King Festivities at the White House.

CHN: Recent Tags and #1 Google Search Terms For Her Pleasure

"Forty Seven" Classic CHN Google Search Results:

1.  Genital Mutilation of Meter Maids http://bit.ly/hucdEp
2. "Peak Molasses" http://bit.ly/fCfZEn
3. Trig is the youngest known male to become pregnant http://bit.ly/hPjpzm
4. "far-from-kosher bouillabaisse stew" http://bit.ly/i8f6Ky
5. The Constant Distractions of Neytiri's Blue Nipples http://bit.ly/erfanU
6. "Obama, a left handed shooter..." http://bit.ly/eiT7IY
7. "Bush went on to describe the value of honor killing"  http://bit.ly/e4nAjy
8. Adult Diaper Revelation  http://bit.ly/htjk0W
9. "I'm not a fisherman or a fish scientist"  http://bit.ly/gIOXSx
10. "let's be honest this is mostly a 'feel' game" http://bit.ly/gC3z2Q
11. The Barely Legal Viability of America's Shale Oil (soft core) http://bit.ly/h5Vdle
12. "Aging Laker fan Jack Nicholson" http://bit.ly/fWOQ8b
13. Lucas: I'm from Modesto, CA.... we eat bullshit for breakfast there. http://bit.ly/fiPlwp
14. Dr. Laura Promises Not To Say 'Nigger'  http://bit.ly/eLSfEv
15. "we are surrounded by a bunch of pussies like Missouri, South Dakota, and Oklahoma" http://bit.ly/hIpc8C
16. "Love Seats n' Stools for Less" http://bit.ly/hLDiX8
17. "There has been a scourge of slut"  http://bit.ly/h0RusA
18. "Dixie has run away from home to join the circus" http://bit.ly/epf2pW
19. "The Anal Seduction of T. Boone Pickins" http://bit.ly/dZB4Uy
20. Tony Dungy Robot http://bit.ly/ikeQ3N
21. whereas Lebron James is the 'fucker' and the Cleveland clients are the 'fukees' http://bit.ly/fxwR3m
22. the average movie goer is "much much dumber than we ever could have imagined" http://bit.ly/fCz2hR
23. Lesbian Activists To Obama: Eat Shit  http://bit.ly/eTQQgZ
24. Executive Order for Napolitano To Get Nailed  http://bit.ly/gMyUES
25. BP Spill Clusterfuck http://bit.ly/icUtjv
26. "tongue comforting trans-fat" http://bit.ly/fnE0eb
27. Pew Research Polls Are Retarded http://bit.ly/dGnSt2
28. "36,000 gallons per minute of nip slipping water pressure"  http://bit.ly/htwPZZ
29. "an accomplished anagramist and comic book purveyor"  http://bit.ly/etQR73
30. DalesColonCleanseFormula.wordpress.com  http://bit.ly/i8L09s
31. 5,200 "pinches" of refined sugar http://bit.ly/eX4Bba
32. exploiting symbiotic aquatic relationships far beyond basic parasite extraction http://bit.ly/f4jEJX
33. Rumors had swirled for years that Fergie was very likely the actual Chupacabra http://bit.ly/eJMszI
34. Homosexuals Considering Formal Rejection of The La Vida Loca Singer http://bit.ly/g3wnjj
35. Swiss Chard sandwiches were all the rage http://bit.ly/hyzo8F
36. hands full with a crack pipe and balls deep in some dude http://bit.ly/hwRAbs
37. "steady influx of 'cunt rags'" http://bit.ly/ebeme0
38. "expired muff bait" http://bit.ly/hFF3RL
39. "Oklahoma City resident Jenna Jameson" http://bit.ly/gllnp1
40. "killing others with global warming" http://bit.ly/dWYEeJ
41. "my client had sex with a whorish hotel worker in Colorado" http://bit.ly/ggnUpu
42. "after we finished the measurement and inspection of the victims breasts we hit a wall" http://bit.ly/hX3JGE
43. We use the term 'boner killer' rather carefully around here because Katie Couric seems to just pop in and out of the production room like jackrabbit on smack  http://bit.ly/hoI8tc
44. BP contends that it carefully studied the effects of several types of music and can say with complete confidence that a boy band will win the hearts of the Gulf people http://bit.ly/gtP3Hp
45. Possible replacements for Laettner include Dominique Wilkins, Shawn Kemp, and a 9 year old Dwight Howard.http://bit.ly/hfcnE3
46. The November elections could give Republicans the votes they need to keep Meredith from sleeping with any and all selfish scumbags such as plastic surgeon Mark Sloan http://bit.ly/ib652w
47. LA County's other investments in capturing Cryptids such as the Yeti, Bigfoot, and the Loch Ness Monster http://bit.ly/fRc7Pe 

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2011 Pending Libel Cases (Vs. CHN)

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• ▼  2011 (19)
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    • Rebecca Black Video Confirmed To Be Apocalyptic Summons To Netherworld
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  • ▼  February (4)
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  • ▼  January (4)
    • Love At First Sight
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    • Meeting At The Rose Garden - Video

Assistant Manager Usually Able To Poop After 2nd Cup of Coffee

Grand Rapids, MI (CHN) -  The Grand Rapids Area Chamber of Commerce opens at 9AM Monday thru Friday and on every one of those days assistant account manager Ron Corbett has two full cups of coffee prior to taking a shit in the single stall unisex bathroom. 

Corbett's consistency has impressed 
staff for nearly a decade

Receptionist Wendy Breyer has confirmed with CHN that Mr. Corbett generally spews warm, likely moist, but verifiably pungent farts between 10:15 and 10:25.  "It will sort of linger... if it (the fart odor) doesn't stick around for 30-40 seconds then I know he hasn't finished his 2nd cup and may not be ready to take a dump for 20 or 30 more minutes.

Corbett, a Grand Rapids native, usually eats Frosted Mini-Wheats and a banana with his first cup of coffee at home.  Up until the spring of 2009, Corbett's co-workers had reason to believe that he was picking up coffee from Starbucks en route to work which he would finish in his car just prior to entering the office and clocking in for the day. 

"Back then Ron would typically drop a load within 10 minutes of clocking in," confirmed human resource manager Daryl Boykins. He continued, "Now he seems to be on a set schedule of drinking his 2nd cup here at the office and taking a 10-12 minute shit right around 10:30.

Last Tuesday the office break room ran out of coffee and sources have confirmed that this delayed Mr. Corbett's crap until 11:45AM.  Corbett emerged approximately 20 minutes later and seemed rather unsatisfied.  An un-named coworker verifyies that he had two Dr. Peppers but "frankly at that point, he was just off his schedule".

2010. Strategic, Trusted, No Swashbuckling.
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Confusion At State Department As Holbrooke's Last Words May Have Actually Been "Stop This Whore"

Holbrooke, 69, Died From Complications of Lindsay Lohan's 2005 'Herbie Fully Loaded'

Washington D.C. (CHN)- Those close to the veteran U.S. Diplomat say that he rarely watched movies of any kind but decided to catch a flick after a long meeting with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton on Friday. A family spokesman said that Mr. Holbrooke had become livid with Lindsay Lohan's acting style and ruptured his aorta during the final moments of the Disney film after claiming that if he 'attached a pair of tits and some red pubic hair to his asshole that he could have turned in a better acting performance'.

Lohan, performed like a 'slut faced whore'
according to Holbrooke

Doctors attempted an emergency surgery but failed to save the man that President Obama chose as a special envoy to Afghanistan, and who many of the wars toughest critics felt was the best chance to stop the ongoing action by U.S and its Allies.

Holbrooke, still conscious before the surgery seemed to be quoting the Lohan movie sarcastically and was still visibly shaken by Lohan's performance.

His final words, first thought to be 'Stop this war', have now been confirmed by hospital staff to have actually been 'Stop this whore'.

Holbrooke is survived by several family members, most of the remaining American soldiers in Afghanistan, and Lindsay Lohan's agonizing acting career and fluctuating breast size. 

2010. Strategic, Trusted, No Swashbuckling.
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Bill Clinton Still Hanging Out At White House 3 Days After Press Conference

D.C. Furniture Store Reports Delivery of Hide-A-Bed To Oval Office

Clinton (above right), moments after brushing Obama
aside to field questions on Friday

Washington D.C. (CHN) - A White House aid refused to confirm or deny on Sunday that Bill Clinton was still at the White House following last Friday's meeting and press conference with President Obama.

Clinton originally scheduled to speak for 3-4 minutes after a brief introduction by The President, spoke for nearly 40 minutes prior to being cut short by Robert Gibbs call for 'last question'.

An assistant to former President Clinton confirmed that pizzas had already been ordered so that the former President could have a bite to eat after the presser.  White House insiders were apparently surprised to see Mr. Clinton still hanging out and chatting with State Department officials in the West Wing late into the evening.  Mr. and Mrs. Obama returned to the White House following a Christmas party to find that Mr. Clinton had consumed several cocktails during a conference call to Rahm Emanuel, Paul Begala, and Haitian President René Préval.

Obama's desk (temporarily moved outside)
'not related to Clinton visit,' says staff

At that time it is believed that Mr. Obama invited the former President to crash in the Oval Office until he found accommodations for his upcoming trip to Haiti.

It is believed that Mr. Clinton may have answered several calls from Hamid Karzai and organized some minor tactical changes to the current surge in Afghanistan on Sunday morning while Mr. Obama was walking White House dog 'Bo'. 

Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is reporting that a request for federal emergency funds to the state following this weekends blizzard appears to have been immediately signed and faxed back by Mr. Clinton.

As of press time, Clinton's foundation staff had no return comment on Mr. Clinton's whereabouts and firmly denied that a new post on Craigslist for 'D.C. area motivated interns' was connected in any way to the former President. 

2010. Strategic, Trusted, No Swashbuckling.
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Garth Brooks Wondering "What Ever Happened To Me"

Former Country Star Realizes He Hasn't Been Seen Or Heard From In 12 Years 

Nashville, TN (CHN) - He was once the reigning King of Country Music and one of the top selling artists of any genre in the 1990's, but this morning when Garth Brooks awoke he asked himself one simple question: "Where in the fuck have I have been the past 12 years". 

Brooks During What Is Believed 
To Have Been His Mariachi Phase

Research done by Brooks indicates that he has mostly been drinking and speaking in non melodic tongues since his failed attempt to perform as a gay rock star under the stage name 'Chris Gaines'.  

Sources close to Brooks admit that they are not all that close to Brooks and that they sort of forgot all about him over the last decade.  

Brooks who claims to have a daughter is now attempting to locate her according to his daughter who hasn't seen or heard from Brooks since 1999. 

Although Brooks was accused of having an affair with Trisha Yearwood in the late 90's he vehemently denied those rumors and one-upped his critics by divorcing his wife and marrying Trisha Yearwood soon after. 

The former star came out of hiding or whatever to do an interview with Larry King this week.  During the interview Mr. Brooks seemed to be fixated with convincing King to direct Itunes to raise the cost of his songs to equal or higher pricing than Taylor Swift and that 'little bitch' Kenny Chesney.

Tomorrow on CHN:  "Trisha Yearwood RealizesThat She Is A Slutty Homewrecker; Wonders Where Husband Garth Brooks Has Been The Past 12 Years."

2010. Strategic, Trusted, No Swashbuckling.
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Report: Wikipedia Audio Files; An Intro List For Pervs

CHN Reports that the following Wikipedia Articles are now being listened to by Pervs Worldwide:

Mammary Intercourse:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c1/Paizuri.ogg

 Cock and Ball Torture:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/41/CocknBallTorture.ogg

Bukkake (Please note that the recipient should be shaved):

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4f/Bukkake04032010.ogg

Hand Job:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/79/Handjob.ogg

Dirty Sanchez (Narrated by an English Woman for your pleasure)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/fa/Dirty_Sanchez_%28sexual_act%29.ogg

Clitoral Erection (The reader loses it several times):

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3b/Clitoral_Erection.ogg

Vanilla Sex:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/96/Vanilla_sex.ogg

CHN recommends that you not become a full time Perv. All Rights Reserved. 2010.